Title: Cyber Discipline
TJ had been gone for just a little over five weeks. It wasn’t going well. I missed her terribly. It had taken so long for me to take the plunge and trust someone enough to love and be loved, and now she was gone. I know that I should have a done a better job of dealing with it, but, sometimes I just can’t help reverting to my tried and true methods of handling pain.
*** *** ***
TJ was scheduled to fly in from Boston on Friday. I longed for her, couldn’t wait to feel her skin pressed against mine, to taste her, fuck her, cuddle with her, giggle with her, but her absence over the last many weeks had made me start to doubt if she would want the same from me, if her time alone had made her realize I was a mistake.
*** *** ***
We had a 5:30 web date. TJ and I tried to do this at least once a week. But, somehow actually seeing her on the computer always made me miss her more than when we just talked on the phone. The fact that I could see her on the screen, made me long to touch her. I so wanted to reach through the screen and touch her face, kiss her lips, feel her body, and the fact that I couldn’t pissed me off.
Tonight’s chat was going to be particularly difficult, as my bottom was terribly sore, and I really didn’t want Teej to notice. I was trying to figure out ways to relieve the sting, and make it through our chat, without too much wiggling to find a comfortable position on my unpadded desk chair, when my e-mail chimed signaling that TJ was on-line and ready to chat.
I signed on and TJ appeared in the window. I adjusted the screen to take up the full twenty-two inches of my monitor (what can I say, size does matter). TJ usually greeted me with a little song, a soft serenade to start off our visit, but tonight there wasn’t any singing, she sat in front of her computer looking quite stern.
“Hi.” I started.
“Hello.” TJ responded.
We sat quietly for several minutes.
Finally TJ broke the silence, “ I got a call from Syd this afternoon,” she said.
“Oh.” I replied, lowering my eyes from the web cam, feeling unable to meet TJ’s virtual eyes.
TJ continued, “Well, as you have already been spanked, and I need assurance from you that this isn’t going to happen again, I want you to write the following, ‘I promise to call TJ when I am lonely and let her know I am having a difficult time dealing with her absence.’ Five hundred times, please. When you are finished you can scan it in and e-mail them to me. Please keep the originals in a file and I will check them all when I get home.”
“Fuck you! You aren’t here; you don’t know what it is like for me without you. You don’t get to pull your fucking rank when you aren’t even here.” I growled and then promptly shut down the web cam and stomped away from the computer.
Just as I was moving back to shut the computer down the phone rang.
I knew from the caller ID that it was Teej. I picked up the phone, but didn’t say anything.
TJ started, “All right, I think maybe you need some time in the corner to calm down. Turn the web cam back on and aim it in the corner, so I will be able to see you, and then you can take up residence. I will call you when you are allowed to get out.”
“Corner? I’m not standing in the corner.” I protested.
“You have two options. You can stand in the corner now or we can start our first weekend together in six weeks with you over my lap having your bare bottom spanked.”
Corner it is then. I set up the web cam, and assumed my position in the corner and rested my head against the wall.
“Stand up straight.” TJ commanded.
I straightened up, causing my shorts to slightly slink down my hips. The longer I stood the more they began to slide. I tried to wiggle to get them to move back up.
The sinking feeling of my shorts was also causing a sinking feeling in my stomach, which caused me to make two important realizations: (1) I need to reconsider wearing big baggy pants, and (2) should I choose to continue to wear big baggy pants, maybe I should wear underpants with them.
“Stop fidgeting.” She said.
“But…” I started.
“No talking.” TJ warned.
“Please…” I started again.
“Corner or spanking?” She asked.
“Corner.” I said.
“Then stand up straight, stop fidgeting, and no talking.” She stated firmly.
I stood up straight and my shorts promptly fell around my ankles.
I heard TJ let out a laugh.
“Hmph.” I said starting to reach down to pull them up.
“Leave them, it is a good reminder of your options.”
Okay, let’s review the situation, I’m a 36 year old woman, at home alone, standing in the corner, with my shorts around my ankles, a rosy red bare bottom on display, with my lover watching on a web cam. Many might view this as kinky, yet to me it felt about as kinky as having a tooth filled.
After about five minutes more of corner time, I started to lightly sob.
“Okay, baby. It’s going to be okay. Do you think you can hold a civil conversation now?” TJ asked.
“Yes.” I cried my reply.
“Pull your shorts up love, and come back over here to the computer.” TJ instructed.
I did as requested and sat in front of the computer. “I miss you.” I said. “I miss you so much, it hurts. I don’t think I can make it through a whole year of this.”
“Oh baby, I miss you too. You are the love of my life. I hate not coming home to you every day and not waking to you every morning. But, I have to finish out my teaching obligations, just a year and then we will be together again.” TJ worked to reassure me. “Why don’t you go lay down for a little while.” She suggested.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to sign off. Please, stay on.” I pleaded.
“I will baby. You go lay down and I will stay here and talk to you, okay?” She soothed.
I climbed into bed, and TJ told me stories of her students, the faculty at Boston College, and the fun she had last night at the Red Sox game. I fell asleep some time later while she sang to me.
When I woke, there was e-mail, saying she loved me, would see me on Friday and that she was expecting my lines before lunch. Blah! I had hoped she would forget the lines.